I listened to a speech of a zen teacher in the summer of 2022. The Topic: Vulnerability. Her book recommendation on the topic: “The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown.
I bought the book and got fascinated by the bare fact, that there is a researcher out there who explores scientifically something important that I nevertheless thought remains in the realm of something I can only talk about with close friends. The author states two things, I want to share.
The first thing is, that vulnerability is the first thing we are searching for, when we meet someone but the least fact we are willing to show ourselves.
The second is, that Perfectionism is used as a shield to protect us from showing vulnerabilities. They are two sides of a coin.
I think this is very interesting. Google scholar shows 194.000 results to the research result on „perfection on psyche”. The first title is indicative: “Lost in Perfection: impacts of optimisation on culture and psyche”. The authors describe perfectionism as an omnipresent phenomenon that is rooted in the culture of modern societies. Self-enhancement, optimisation, acceleration and competition, the requirement of excellent performance and productivity represent buzz words, that characterise the pursuit of what exactly?
The results of an psychological study of 2004 demonstrated, that self-oriented perfectionism is a vulnerability factor that involves negative cognitions (for example emotions or thoughts) and affective reactions (negative, strong emotions with which we respond to perfectionism) when experiencing failure. The authors conclude, that the reflection on the self is poor.
Another study concludes that perfectionism is either unneeded or harmful. Others write on dysfunctional forms of perfectionism contrasting other less harmful forms.
What may be helpful, when I realize the pressure that I experience in situations that reinforce negative forms of perfectionism?
The possible answers to that question may fill a whole book, but:
I see so many people doing mistakes every day (myself included).
I enjoy the autumn cold and when leaves fall of. The principle may be perfect, but the streets are filled with leaves. It’s a chaos. Broken buildings that were left and cannot break down on their own, because the materials that it was built from don’t allow for it.
Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki said one sentence, that I think can show the way. He said: Everywhere I see Imperfection but right there in this imperfection lies perfect reality.
What is Impulse that we could extract from it.
To my mind it means:
- Get back the ownership for the quality that I want. Consequence: I define, what is good, excellent or perfect, no one else.
- Take time, to do things in my pace in the right rhythm that feels right.
- Focus not on the result but on the process
- Enjoy the process, the making as often as I am aware of what I am doing.
- Show vulnerability to some degree and substitute the armor of perfectionism with openness of being human and having feelings that are many.
- Finding out, why am I trying to be perfect and if it is about doing something really good, because it is important to me (I can ask myself, what if nobody would see it) or because of external reasons (recognition, feeling accepted, etc.)
If you like to share thoughts in the comment on the topic and your experiences, let me know.
Be well,
Milan
Literatur
Besser, A., Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2004). Perfectionism, cognition, and affect in response to performance failure vs. success. Journal of Rational-Emotive and Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 22(4), 297-324.
Brown, B. (2010). Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability. TED.
Gaudreau, Patrick,Schellenberg, Benjamin J. I.,Gareau, Alexandre,Kljajic, Kristina,Manoni-Millar, Stéphanie. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 122(6), Jun 2022, 1117-1145